Growth

Run Your Own Race

/ nicholasjinfante / 1 Comment

Another year has passed since I’ve sat down to write an update here. It’s been a reminder that if you aren’t intentional about making things happen, they won’t. The older I get, the more I recognize time is a rushing river that constantly flows past us. Since it’s also our most precious commodity, I’m going to try to hold myself more accountable to making time for the things I value and that are truly important to me. My dream is to eventually write full-time, so doing more of this is at the top of that list.

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to share an experience I had about a year ago in Colorado. In late August of 2025, my wife and I traveled out west for my buddy’s wedding. Since Colorado is one of my favorite places on Earth and my wife had never been, I decided to turn the trip into a two and a half week adventure of traversing the state and hitting up some of the best spots it has to offer.

We spent a few days in Denver and then hopped in the rental car to spend a long weekend in Boulder where I had spent one of the most formative years of my life washing dishes and sleeping on a free couch from Craigslist (that people had definitely vomited on). After that, we headed south to Manitou Springs for some real outdoorsy shit and finally all the way to Buena Vista to a remote Air BnB with a spectacular view of the mountains and lots of peace and quiet. 

After living in Colorado for two years from 2014 to 2016 at a time when I was often fighting for my life (financially speaking), it was awesome to go back and get to experience it the way I had always dreamed of. It’s hard to put it into words, but there is something so satisfying when you wake up and realize you’re living a life your former self could have only imagined. Starting the day with a hot cup of coffee and stepping outside to an unobstructed view of the Collegiate Peaks was a top tier moment for me. Getting to fire up my laptop and work in that environment gave me a large sense of pride about my journey up until this point. It was a far cry from the late night walks home in the snow and ice in Boulder after washing dishes for $10.50/hr.


But the real point of this post is not about sharing a glorious vacation. It’s about unpacking another piece of the mental puzzle that I think has made these moments possible for me. A few years ago, I was introduced to the idea of the “Misogi Challenge” by the entrepreneur Jesse Itzler. Essentially, it’s a modern adaptation of an ancient Japanese ritual that is designed to push you past your limiting beliefs and enrich your personal development. In 2024, I did my first Misogi Challenge by hiking 10 miles through the Samaria Gorge on the island of Crete in Greece. It was certainly not an easy undertaking for me, but I found the experience to be overwhelmingly positive and I am so happy I did it.

Last year, while in Colorado, I did my second Misogi Challenge by hiking the Manitou Incline. This hike is 2,768 “steps” made of old railroad ties that gain 2,000 feet of vertical elevation in a little under a mile. It is a very steep climb essentially straight up the side of a mountain. If none of that paints a vivid picture for you, then I’ll add this: there have been at least 5 reported deaths on the trail since it was opened to the public and numerous other people have suffered either serious injuries (like broken legs/ankles) or experienced severe health crises such as strokes that necessitated being airlifted off of it by a rescue team.

Something I have struggled with most of my life and continue to struggle with currently, is my level of physical fitness and maintaining a healthy body weight. It’s estimated that only 40% of those who attempt this climb make it to the top, so this was another serious challenge that gave me a lot of pause and felt intimidating to do (which makes it perfect for a Misogi). My number one rule is if you’re not sure you can do it – you should definitely try to do it. The Manitou Incline fit the bill for me.

(Photo below for context). 


We were in Manitou Springs for 4 days to see some old friends of mine, enjoy the quaint little mountain town, do some sightseeing at Garden of the Gods, and of course, bust our ass on this hike. The day I had initially planned to do the hike, I woke up feeling not quite rested and something internally told me “today is not the day” and so I (wisely) swapped the itinerary to go sightseeing that day and put the hike on the docket for the following morning.

We woke up early to beat the heat so we wouldn’t get stranded halfway up the “staircase” in direct midday sunlight (which ended up happening anyway). After eating a hearty breakfast at the hotel, we packed our hiking gear, some quick release energy snacks, and LOTS of water/sports drinks. Once the shuttle dropped us off at the base of the trail, we got out and walked with the rest of the brave crowd ready to test themselves.

The start of the hike is pretty easy and begins with a gradual curvature up the slope of the mountain. After about 15 or so minutes into it though, the real ascent begins. If you’ve ever climbed a really long steep staircase or done a grueling workout on the stairmaster, you know it’s no joke. Combine that with the added difficulty of exerting yourself in the Colorado altitude, and you’re in for a real treat. My heartrate started climbing faster than the elevation and I quickly realized that if I was going to get all 300+ pounds of me to the top of this mountain, I was going to have to pace myself and be strategic about it.

My wife is a former professional athlete, so she was handling the challenge of the hike much better than I was. After three or four times of stopping because of me, I encouraged her to take some extra water with her and go at her own pace and wait for me at the top. By the time I got 70% of the way up, the gradient had reached a similar percentage. I began stopping every 100 steps to catch my breath. Then every 50. Then every 25. I was hurting bad. 

There’s a “bail out” point at the 75% mark on the hike, which is typically where the lion’s share of the 60% of hikers who don’t make it stop. The first time I attempted this hike when I was 22, that is exactly what I did. My heart wasn’t in it at the time and I didn’t see the value in pushing myself the way I do now. I had equally bad habits of not giving a fuck and of not following through even when I did. I saw the off-ramp and I took it.

What was interesting this time around was how closely I felt this hike was a metaphor for life and business. Everyone who showed up that day to take on this challenge was of varying ages, fitness levels, body types, races, genders, nationalities, etc. What we all had in common was a shared goal of reaching the top. We all started the hike on step one. But only a certain percentage of us were going to make it to the top, and unlike what most people may think, it wasn’t the “most in shape” or fittest people that determined who made it.

What I observed was that the people who reached the top were actually the ones who possessed the most grit, determination, and willpower. I saw young healthy people turn back or hit the bail out point when they realized it was harder than they thought or that they didn’t really want it bad enough (like me ten years prior). I saw people who must have been in their mid sixties literally running up the mountain past everyone. Some people went up and down three times while I was contemplating sending up a smoke signal for a medivac helicopter at the halfway point. 

In the midst of this, I had an enlightening realization. There may be people twice my age who can crush this hike faster and more elegantly than myself, but there’s also people who “should” be a lot better equipped for this than me who gave up already. As I was approaching the bailout point – hot, sweaty, tired, and sore – I committed to finishing what I started. I wasn’t leaving until the job was done, no matter what. I told myself, “I am going to make it to the top of this mountain or I am going to die on it.” And that was that.

I thought about all of the dreams and goals I’ve set for myself and how this steep climb was so similar. Instead of walking a mile straight up in the hot sun, I was walking a metaphorical thousand mile journey with varying degrees of difficulty throughout. My life and what I want it to be may never even have a “summit” or finish line to reach, but the same principle applies. It doesn’t matter what advantages other people have or if there’s someone doing what you dream of doing better than you right now. What matters is if you’re going to commit to the goal and refuse to stop short of it. I realized that I was running my own race and the only person I was actually competing against was myself and the part of me that wants to quit. I realized that the only thing that matters is whether I do what I set out to do or not.

From that point forward, it wasn’t just a hike I was completing anymore. Mentally, it felt like everything I wanted in my life was hanging in the balance. If I couldn’t handle this hike, how could I handle any of the other big dreams I have? They are certainly harder and more audacious than this. It was time to put up or shut up. So I took another sip of water, another deep breath, and I stood up and started climbing again. I passed the bail out point and laser focused on finishing what I had set out to do. I was determined to prove to myself that this was indeed a new and improved version of me. I wanted to prove to myself that my desire to succeed was stronger than how I felt. 

There is a point on this hike that becomes so steep (and it occurs after you are well spent on your energy levels), that it necessitated me basically crawling on all fours. It was probably the last 500-600 steps that proved the hardest physically and mentally. As I was clawing my way up each railroad tie, telling myself each one amounted to meaningful progress (and that this trail from hell is not actually never-ending), I passed an older woman in a sun hat with a bright blue backpack and a hiking stick sitting on the edge of the trail taking in the view. She was probably in her late 50’s or early 60’s and certainly did not look like someone who was physically prepared for this type of strenuous activity.

There was a bit of shade near her and I felt like I was about to stroke out again, so I decided to make a pitstop in the same place. After sucking wind for a few minutes, I finally made some small talk and asked her how she was enjoying the hike. She smiled in a sort of whimsical way at first and took a moment to answer me. “Everything hurts,” she said plainly. “I’ve been climbing for over three hours already,” she added. (For context, it takes an average hiker about 1 to 2 hours to finish the Manitou Incline). I eventually summited about 2 hours and 10 minutes after starting. My wife took probably half that time. To be on the trail for over 3 hours and still have 20% of it left was definitely a slow go at it. I looked at her, slightly concerned, and asked if she had enough water and felt good to continue.

“Oh yes,” she replied. “I wouldn’t wait for me at the top as I’ll likely be taking quite a while to finish, but I’m not stopping until I’ve completed it. I’ll sleep out here if I have to,” she added matter-of-factly. I smiled and nodded my head at her while desperately chugging some powerade hoping to summon the energy necessary for the next 100 steps ahead of me. Before I left, I turned to her and said, “that’s the spirit. It’s not about how fast you get there, it’s just about getting there.” She nodded back with a grin and wished me good luck on the rest of my trek.

It wasn’t easy, but I eventually made it to the top of the mountain. There were groups of people waiting up there to give a big round of applause as each hiker reached the promised land. My beautiful wife was waiting with a big smile, ready to embrace me and talk shit about our finishing times. I could tell she had used her time waiting to think of ways to tease me about it. “I was starting to get worried… and hungry,” she said with a grin on her face. I might not have been the fastest, but it was still a hell of a test of my endurance and my willpower.

(Here’s the picture of us at the top)


After working our way down the mountain, which is another 3 mile winding trail down the other side of the stairs, and recuperating for a day (or two), I reflected on the experience. I realized that I only made it to the top of the mountain because I gave myself no other option. If I had listened to my body or my mind about how I was feeling through the toughest stretches, I would have quit on myself again. It would have been easy to rationalize or justify it or tell myself it wasn’t worth it or that it’s really not that important. But I didn’t let that happen. I told myself that nothing I wanted to accomplish in life would come true if I didn’t make it to the top of this mountain. The choice I gave myself was very simple: get there or die trying (50 cent would be proud).

It wasn’t until later that I realized I’ve been applying the same mindset to my life without thinking about it. After all, life and entrepreneurship can feel eerily similar to walking up a neverending staircase in the hot sun. Most of the time you can’t see the end of the trail and you’re so exhausted you want to fall flat on your face and say fuck it. But the key is remembering it’s just you versus you. The only thing that matters is getting to the top, not getting there first or before anybody else. If you can rid yourself of caring about the opinions of other people and stop comparing yourself to everyone around you (most of whom haven’t even started doing anything yet, let alone achieved anything), you can go all the way. But you have to commit to the goal and give it everything you’ve got. No Plan B.

I want you to think honestly about what would give you the motivation needed to endure the suffering necessary to reach the top of your personalized mountain (your dream life). What is worth the pain to you? What are you willing to crawl on your hands and knees for? What ultimate goal is worth dedicating your life to? That’s the real key to unlocking a whole new level of badassery within yourself. You need to know not just what to do, but why you’re doing it. Because at the end of the day, it’s only when shit gets hard that you find out how much you really care about your goals. 

And remember the pace you choose is equally important. If you need to achieve your dream life in 24 months instead of 24 years, you’re probably going to collapse on that mountain well before you even whiff the top step. If I needed to climb the Manitou Incline in 20 minutes instead of 2+ hours, I wouldn’t be here to write about it. Sometimes you need to sit in the shade, rehydrate, and allow yourself to take in the view so that you can replenish your strength and energy to keep going. Last year and quarter one of 2026 gave me a royal beatdown and forced me to confront the fact that I was pushing myself too hard for too long and not taking care of myself properly. Something I’ve been learning the last few months is how to make space for productive rest so I can finish the journey ahead of me. 

I tend to feel guilty if I’m not constantly working (I know, I know). I’ve made a lot of strides in my life over the last 8 years and made tons of progress, but I still have a long way to go to get to where I ultimately want to be. And what has shifted in my perspective lately was the same realization I had on the Manitou Incline: if I’m serious about reaching the top, I need to pace myself and do it strategically or I am going to crash and burn at the halfway point. I’ve been all-in, pedal to the metal, and firing on all cylinders constantly for years (which is admirable and was necessary for awhile). But when my health started to take a hit, I had to come to terms with the fact that even if I could brute force my way to the top like that… if I wasn’t healthy enough to enjoy it when I got there, what was the point?

I’ve been giving myself permission to take my foot off the gas a bit lately and focus on other areas of my life like health and relationships more. I still work hard and my goals haven’t changed, but I’m allowing for a season of sitting in the shade and taking in the view so that I can continue the climb in a way that is sustainable. I encourage you to think the same way about whatever mountain you’re attempting to climb yourself. 

There is always going to be some 18 year old crypto billionaire or that person that seems to have it all figured out and is able to do it in a seemingly effortless way. The people who lap you three times while you’re checking your pulse halfway up. Fuck those people. They don’t matter. You need to get your mind dialed in on the task at hand and finish what you started. If you know you can push, then push. If you need to take a break, rest. Don’t overcomplicate things. Just don’t take it too easy when you know you have more to give. 

Much like being the fittest person didn’t necessarily determine who made it to the top of the Manitou Incline, being the smartest, most confident, or naturally best looking person doesn’t guarantee you anything in the arena of life. I know tons of people smarter than me that cannot get out of their own way and overthink themselves into inaction. Better looking people may be treated better as a whole, but plenty of them lack healthy relationships and oftentimes end up having worse lives because of the drama it invites. Most goals that are truly beneficial for you require a lot of hard work to achieve, regardless of what natural talents or advantages you happen to be born with.

My point is this: you’re not in a competition with the rest of the world. Being successful isn’t zero-sum. There’s no one else like you, and that’s your advantage. Make sure your dream life is as unique to you as your own DNA, and you will give yourself a higher likelihood of achieving it. It should be tailormade for you and only you.

Once you define that dream and start climbing towards it, what matters is that you see it through. How fast you make it there or how effortless you make it look is irrelevant. No one is clocking you. The scoreboard is only in your head. Other people are going to laugh at you no matter what you do. So run your own race and focus on what you need to do to make your dreams become reality. The life you want is out there waiting for you. No one can walk the path for you and no one is going to feel sorry for you if you don’t get there. Keep climbing.

A Drop in an Ocean

/ nicholasjinfante / Leave a comment

Have you ever been getting your shit together and making consistent progress in the key areas of life you know you need to be doing better in, but then hit a bump in the road, have a setback, or start repeating old self-sabotaging behaviors and think to yourself, “Why am I like this? What in the actual fuck is wrong with me?”

As someone who’s changed a lot in (mostly) beneficial ways over the past decade, I can tell you that it happens to me pretty frequently. I haven’t had much time to sit down and write lately, so I want to take this opportunity to talk a bit about the darkside of self-improvement. You know… the hard parts. The I-feel-like-shit-even-though-I’m-doing-everything-”right” parts. The parts that most social media influencers don’t talk about because it doesn’t get enough likes or because they’re out of touch with reality. 

I want to reiterate that something I still believe is an absolute truth is that your life cannot be better spent on anything other than becoming the best version of yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to be loaded with money, it doesn’t mean you have to have a six pack and fuck like a porn star, and it damn sure doesn’t mean you have to pretend like you’re having the best time of your life at Disney World with your spouse and three kids on Instagram… the bags under your eyes are telling a different story, Becca. 

It doesn’t mean any of those things. It just means that you should strive to become the best version of you – whatever that means to you. Forget the conventional and societal constructs of what you “ShOuLd dO.” Sit down and ask yourself honestly, “what does a life that I would love to have look like and what do I [realistically] have to do to get it?” Then do those things… and don’t expect it to be easy. 

Now that we’ve covered the process in a nutshell, the rest is mainly execution. This is where you realize you’ve got a dream and a goal in mind, but you don’t actually know jack shit about how to attain it. If you like learning, you’re in luck because that’s what you need to do a lot of. Especially in the beginning. Start bridging the gap between the lack of skills and knowledge you currently have and the level of skills and knowledge you need to attain your goal as soon as possible. 

If you don’t like learning, well… this is all about changing yourself for the better. So start there. You need to think, act, and behave like the person deserving of the life you want. Don’t get caught up in the information gathering stage and start overthinking everything, but do gather information and think about it. (Everything in moderation, they say).

Embrace the journey and the process of growing into a new, better version of yourself and start taking action towards that end immediately. Putting off until tomorrow what you could be doing today is stacking the odds against you. It’s putting the start of a new, better life on hold. It’s pushing what you want further and further off into the distance and therefore, perpetually out of reach. 

See, evolution is not just something we undergo biologically over large periods of time as a species. The process of evolution is also available to each of us as individuals. The evolution of character. The evolution of spirit. The evolution of identity. The caveat is that Nature is unending and so that form of evolution will never cease to exist, whereas our personal evolution is limited by our impermanence.

The second you’re born, the clock starts ticking and we don’t know how much time we actually have. I really can’t stress enough that it’s never too late to get started, but the sooner you do get started, the sooner you will be able to experience the empowerment that comes from owning your full potential. Fortune favors the bold and results favor those who take action.

Once you’re solidly on the path of personal development, you will see how fast you can truly accelerate your life. The rewards you get from challenging yourself, overcoming obstacles, and actualizing your dreams will reinforce and invigorate you to never stop trying to improve. After all, if we are in control of choosing what meaning we bestow on our own lives, what could be a more worthy pursuit?

Again, it’s really important to subjectively decide what the best version of you looks like in your own mind because that will heavily dictate where you focus your time and energy. If you break yourself trying to fit the mold of someone else’s dream or someone else’s best version of you, you will still feel empty inside even if you succeed. Do it for you. 

Imagine if you can make the never-ending pursuit of your own personal excellence your main objective and then apply that motivation daily over the course of your remaining life. Is that 60+ years? 50+? 40+? Most people reading this still have a lot of time on the clock. Most people also know what things they should be doing (that they currently aren’t) in order to move themselves in the direction they want to go… if they’re being honest with themselves.

The problem is that few people have the level of patience required to operationalize that knowledge. In the age of TikTok, dating apps, and instacart, humans and chipmunks are competing for the shortest attention span in the animal kingdom. Luckily, patience is a skill that you can acquire and strengthen over time… and you’re really going to need it.

The type of progress we’re after when we start to prioritize our personal growth must be measured in years and decades, not weeks and months. We live in a world that thrives on instant gratification nowadays, but it is a trap. Play the long game, always. 

As cliche as it sounds, getting started really is the hard part. Once you build a little confidence in your ability to work through problems and find the next piece of the puzzle, it starts to feel a bit more like a game you want to keep playing. For better or worse, people really are just over complicated monkeys. The positive reinforcement you gain from overcoming challenges will encourage you to keep seeking new challenges and the continual progress you make each step of the way will stack up over time and can quickly reach mind blowing proportions. Never underestimate the value of momentum in your life.

My personal introduction to all of this began about five years ago in the winter of 2018. By July of 2019, I really started to take a more introspective approach to bettering myself and trying to change my life. I was about seven months into building my current business and had just returned from backpacking around Europe for a month on a solo adventure. I met tons of cool people from all over the world, saw a lot of cool shit, and had to deal with some not so cool shit. I even learned a bit of Spanish and German. 

I also got really fucked up. A lot. 

Having partied in NYC, Las Vegas, and Miami before, I really didn’t expect to be impressed by the party scenes in Madrid, Berlin, Amsterdam, and Paris, but I was wrong. Europeans are fucking nuts…. but I digress. Something interesting occurred on this trip that would create an ever expanding ripple effect across all areas of my life. I had left home simply excited to see things I had never seen before, but it actually turned out to be the blazing glory ending of a difficult chapter of my life. 

When I returned home, nothing felt the same. I hit the local bars in my neighborhood in NYC I used to bounce at and tried resuming my usual routine and habits… but I realized I wasn’t actually enjoying myself. I wasn’t having fun anymore. I started wondering if I ever had been in the first place.

This startling realization made me confront a whole host of internal issues I had been suppressing for many years. My identity as the no-fucks-given party boy was shattered and replaced by the clearer image of a 25-year-old manchild with no direction living with his mom and drinking heavily to distract himself from uncomfortable truths. I wasn’t drinking because I was having a good time, I was drinking because I didn’t know what else to do with myself. 

It was then that I decided to try something different. Something radical. Something terrifying. I decided to try living life sober. 

If you’ve never dealt with addiction or breaking a cycle of unhealthy habits before, let’s just say that it is not a small mountain to climb. Life is hard for everyone and we all develop our own ways of coping with the hardship of that. Some ways are better than others – drugs and alcohol are an objectively bad way.

To be fully transparent, I got drunk and smoked weed for the first time when I was 13 years old. By the time I was 14, I had tried cocaine and things quickly went off the rails from there. I stopped going to school, I started getting into fights fairly often, and I started selling drugs so that I could do them as much as possible without going broke.

As I descended deeper into the cycle of addiction, I experimented with other drugs and became increasingly dependent on cocaine and alcohol just to function in my everyday life. “Only on the weekends” became a daily habit and my ability to feel good without the use of mind-altering substances was more or less nonexistent by the time I was 17 years old.

I really haven’t spoken much about this phase of my life and the toll it took on my physical, mental, and emotional health… but this behavior lasted in some capacity until I was 25. I’ve since made peace with all of my mistakes and have been working on accepting the parts of me I had tried to suppress with drugs and alcohol for so long. I realize now that what had felt rebellious and cool at the time was really a teenager’s desperate attempt to self-medicate his depression and anxiety because he was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help.

Once you’re dependent on drugs and alcohol to function, taking them away feels like a kind of identity suicide. As an addict, giving up these substances is essentially giving up your invisibility cloak. It’s like walking out from cover straight into the gunfire of life. Bullets start to hit you and you have no way of numbing the pain anymore. You start to feel everything fully again and at first it seems almost unbearable. You start to remember why you were hiding and running from it in the first place. 

But then a funny thing happens – you realize the hundredth bullet doesn’t hurt as much as the first few. If you can maintain your sobriety through the worst of it, you eventually become desensitized to the pain and rise above it. You develop a new set of coping skills that are constructive and propel you forward rather than returning to the destructive habits that had been keeping you stuck in a vicious cycle of self-pity and desperation. You cultivate a special kind of resiliency that makes you dangerously powerful and you start to reach acceptance and find peace with yourself and your life. It is a slow and grueling process, but also incredibly rewarding. 


Sometimes your perceived weaknesses are also your superpower in disguise. I’ve thought a lot about this recently when considering how to deliver the message within this blog entry, and here’s what I realized: I’m still the same person who was addicted to cocaine and vodka nine years ago. I’m still very much an addict right now. The difference is, I’m not getting high off of drugs anymore – I’m getting high off of my own progress. Sure, I don’t always feel like waking up and tackling a huge to-do list in the morning and I might feel really overwhelmed in my day-to-day reality on occasion, but when I break through a plateau – when I figure out how to ascend to the next level – I experience the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life. In other words, I didn’t overcome my addiction, I channeled it into something useful instead.

I don’t let it show, but some days are nothing short of a battle. Showing up for myself and the people who rely on me to perform at a high level every single day isn’t as automatic as a Steph Curry three pointer. Sometimes I just feel mentally exhausted and depleted, but I find a way to push through it because I know that what I want from life demands it. I am constantly trying to choose behaviors that are going to move me closer to my dreams and my ultimate goals. It’s far from a linear process – some days are downright dog shit. Sometimes a slump lasts weeks or months. But I still give it my best, and sometimes my best is just staying sober that day, and that’s perfectly fine.

I fully recognize that the separation between achieving my dreams and not achieving them may solely reside in whether I can handle the pain, the setbacks, and the failures of life without self-imploding or quitting on myself. Do I feel certain that I will always find a way forward even if I come up short? When I look in the mirror, do I see somebody that I can count on to do the right thing? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. The external results you want in your life are going to emerge from the relationship you cultivate within yourself, not the million other factors you have no control over.

When shit gets hard, I ask myself what the 85-year-old me would be proud to say I did in this moment – then I do that. I think the worst thing in life would be reaching the end of it and realizing you didn’t leave it all on the field. That you could have done a lot of things better and wish you had. To feel regret for the choices you made and realize you have no time left. I envision what I can do with 56 more years of focus and hard work from the present moment. Those thoughts help me minimize my current problems and align my present day self with my long-term goals. I’m not going to lie, it energizes the fuck out of me. 

Because here’s the thing… We all have shit that we go through. A single mom with 2 kids who wants to start a business, someone who is readjusting to life after a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, someone with a chronic injury or illness who wants to get in shape – we all have shit we have to deal with and contend with. We all have reasons why we can’t or why it’s so much easier for someone else to do it. Some of these things might be worse than others and many are completely legitimate factually speaking, but here’s another secret… it doesn’t fucking matter. 

The cards you have in your hand are the cards you have to play with. Period. You can cry about your cards and tell everybody else at the table that your cards aren’t fair, but it won’t change them. Which means you essentially only have two options. Option 1) Try to figure out how to win despite your shitty hand or Option 2) You can fold. That’s the game of life. (Tough, I know). I hope you choose the first of those two options, but that is a decision we all have to make as individuals. 

There is a particular mentality and perspective I use to help me stay mostly in this frame of mind in my own personal life. It’s far from perfect and I have to really make a concerted effort to keep it at the forefront of my thoughts, but it is more or less a subconscious belief now that permeates my behaviors. This is not to say that this is how you should think about life or that this is the “right” way to think. This is just what I use to help me get outside of my own head and move the ball forward in the direction of what I want most daily. It is, in my opinion, the biggest reason for my ability to generate results that others struggle to obtain. 

Most of us convince ourselves that the struggles and adversities we face are unique to us. They may feel unique to us because we live in a small town or because we don’t personally know anybody else going through it, but the chances of us encountering a really unique issue that no one else has experienced is pretty much zero. The idea that your problems are unique to you only serves to create a perception that there may be no solutions to them. As you might have guessed, this is wholly unhelpful to making beneficial improvements in your life. You cannot outperform what you think is possible. You must internalize the idea that you can do it, have it, and be it before you can actually experience it in real life. It’s the basic idea behind manifesting, which is why that practice actually has legitimate utility (even if it is a little woo woo). 

It helps to realize that the world is a crazy and chaotic place full of people just as fucked up and confused as you are. As I write this, a new conflict has recently reignited in the Middle East and we have been reminded of the cruelty and inhumanity that exists and has always existed. You can choose to submerge yourself into it… keeping track of every headline… every disaster… every evil deed… you can force yourself to try to reason with the unreasonable… you can force yourself to have an opinion about everything… you can try to figure out the right things to say to appease others… you can drive yourself absolutely mad….

Or you can “zoom out.” 

I won’t say I do this every single day because that would be a lie, but I do this most mornings before I start my day. I do several minutes of breathwork and meditation where I just focus on being present in the moment. I listen to the sounds around me, I focus on how my body feels, and I try to silence my mind. As I focus on my breath I visualize myself sitting in my bedroom at the end of my bed. I put my hands together in my lap, cradling the back of my right hand in the palm of my left and touching my thumbs together. I then begin the process of “zooming out” by imagining that I’m rising above myself and above my apartment building and over the entire city of Charlotte. I go further and see the state of North Carolina, then the entirety of the United States… then North America… then the whole earth. 

At this point, I begin to speed things up. The planets in our solar system and the sun whiz by. Everything starts blurring together. The Earth where I began my journey becomes imperceptible and the stars and vastness of space stretch infinitely into darkness. The reality of my reality starts to reveal itself. I see and recognize the truth in all of it. I realize that I am just a microscopic dot in the universe. 

All human beings collectively at once on this space rock floating through the abyss are nothing more than a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. We are merely a drop in an ocean. Maybe this thought gives you anxiety at first, but I hope you really ruminate on it and allow it to give you strength. You can choose to be anything in this life. Choose to be free. Free from judgment (from yourself and others), free from expectation, and most of all free from the torment you put yourself through when you allow the outside world to dictate who and what you think you should be. 

Some may view this as a reason to feel that nothing matters and so then why bother trying, but I would argue to the contrary. If nothing matters anyway, why play it safe? Why try to limit yourself and the size of your dreams? Why not find a reason to attempt the most audacious thing you can think of? Why not try to live the most exceptional life that you are capable of? That makes a lot more sense to me than just sitting on my ass waiting to die. Regardless of whether or not our lives mean anything in the big picture or whether the constructs we create in our minds hold any true value, how we feel is real. To be happy or to be void of happiness is a real condition.

The reality is that you and every single person alive right now to form an opinion of you and whatever you do or don’t do with your temporary time on this planet will be dead 150 years from now. In three generations, the most influential people of our time will have been forgotten except for honorable mentions in history classes. So unless you’re Elon Musk, you’re probably not getting much airtime after you expire. What’s actually holding you back from taking risks and going for it isn’t any logical reason, it’s simply fear. It is a figment of your imagination. After all, this human experience is really only good for one thing… chasing whatever gives it the most meaning and purpose while we have it.

If you can tune out the noise and the distractions of the external world around you and focus on what is actually important, it is unlikely that you will fail in the long run. Zoom out and find true perspective. Consider what you really are and what you are a part of. The substance that comprises the vastness of the universe is alive within you. The fact that you are alive right now is almost unbelievable, from both a mathematical and critical thinking point of view. Life is truly a gift and you are capable of great things because you were given the opportunity to pursue them.

Find a way to think and act from a place of love despite the hate and vitriol that exists around you. Do the best you can each day no matter what that looks like. Do the greatest amount of good that you can with the limited amount of time you have left. Try to live each day without taking it for granted. Remember that it is a waste of time to be outraged, especially if you aren’t helping to make a difference. It is an even greater disservice to the world to allow yourself to be paralyzed by fear when you know that the full potential of your life requires action. 

First zoom out… then look inward.

Focus on What’s Right

/ nicholasjinfante / Leave a comment

I’ve been so busy with work and travel lately that I’ve been making a lot of excuses for not dedicating time to write. In fact, as I write this, I’m currently sitting seaside on the island of Maui in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, listening to the sound of white-crested waves race across the open water and crash against the black volcanic rocks that litter the coastline. Being here is an incredible feeling. It’s one of those places I’ve always dreamt of visiting and I think most people have that dream. To actualize it and not only be here, but to be here for a full month, traversing multiple islands, and celebrating Thanksgiving Hawaiian style is amazing. Best of all, I’m here with my mom. Being able to share this bucket list trip with her after spending my childhood watching her work her ass off as a single parent to keep a roof over our heads is charged with so many positive emotions that truly outweigh everything else about the experience. But there’s another feeling I contended with the first few days on the island.

That other feeling, tucked way down in the back of my mind behind all the amazing feelings stemming from being in this moment where nearly half a decade of hard work has culminated in a real-life dream coming true is – “Is this it?” I’m not sure what the best way to articulate that feeling is, but I couldn’t help but hear whispers of that question echoing through the corridors of my mind. Is this it? Is this what I’ve been pushing myself so hard for? Is this all there is on the other side of sacrifice and patience? Is this everything I thought it would be? Am I really happy right now or are other areas of my life that need improvement more important? Are all of my troubles bigger than my triumphs?

Don’t get me wrong, when confronted between the choice of being my former broke and angry self and being me now with a level of meaningful success and the freedom to choose where I go and when, it’s not even close. I’d rather be thinking through this issue on a tropical island any day of the week than washing dishes, shoveling horse shit, or putting some drunk asshole into a headlock to pay the bills. But my expectation of how I was going to feel being here is way different than the reality. I thought there would be more clarity that came along with getting to this point. I thought I could at least hit the pause button on the stressful shit in my life and feel more at peace. The truth is, my life and my circumstances have changed dramatically, but I still feel the same. That truth carries over for when I change physical locations as well, no matter how wonderful or exotic those locations may be. Things that had bothered me in New York City followed me to Charlotte and they continue to bother me when I’m sitting in this tropical paradise. Maybe it was silly to believe that there’s a breakthrough point where certain troubles just vanish into thin air, but I think anyone who really goes 100% in on chasing success and a dream has just a little bit of hope in that possibility. It’s unrealistic.

I have so much to be proud of myself for and so much to celebrate in my life right now, but it’s as if my brain insists on clinging to the things that aren’t the way I’d like them to be. Without intentionally focusing on all the good – on all that’s going right in our lives – our minds will default into concentrating on where we feel dissatisfied or where we’re underperforming. The point of this blog post is to help you realize where this is happening in your own life, because if you trick yourself into believing that a big bank account or achieving whatever your idea of success is changes a lot about the inner strife you face as a human being, you’re going to be sorely disappointed even if you get it. I’m not going to lie – there was an element of shame involved when I realized how ridiculous it was to be feeling sorry for myself while on a trip of a lifetime. I’m not particularly proud of the fact that I allowed myself to feel bad while sitting in Hawaii, but I am proud of the fact that I caught myself and course corrected and that although it occurred, it was short lived. If nothing else, it’s a testament to how true happiness must come from within first and foremost. If you’re not happy where you are now, you won’t be truly happy on a tropical island. If you’re not happy by yourself, you won’t be truly happy with other people. If you aren’t happy with what you have, you won’t be truly happy once you get the things you want. The key isn’t to never slip into a bad mood or feel like shit – that’s just part of being human. The goal should be to reach a level of self-awareness that allows you to catch yourself and shift your way of thinking back into a positive and optimistic frame of mind as quickly as possible when you feel like that. Sometimes when you overlook all the blessings in your life and focus solely on the things you perceive to be undesirable, you just have to take a minute and ask yourself… Am I nuts?

This is a good time to remind you that if you live in the United States (or really any first world country) it is an undeniable fact that most other human beings on the planet would switch places with you in a heartbeat. As I write this and as you read this, there are millions upon millions of people like you and I who are facing famine, battling diseases and ailments that could be prevented or treated if they had access to the same resources we have, or they live in constant chaos while trying to keep themselves and their families alive in an active warzone. Billions of others lack reliable access to safe drinking water. I deal with a lot of pressure now that I’m leading a team of people, and I have to take full responsibility for everything that’s happening in our company – that’s my biggest source of stress and anxiety. How’s that stack up in the grand scheme of things? It’s really not shit. Whatever you’re going through right now, put it into context because perspective is everything. The fact that I was able to catch myself slipping into that negative mindset – focusing on all the bad and letting the days pass me by without enjoying the beauty of the moment – allowed me to center myself and lean back into the genuine appreciation for everything wonderful happening in my life despite any issues I’m currently working through. Yes, there are things I’m not thrilled about that I have to face and other things that I wish were going a different way in my life, but right now I’m enveloped in the warmth of the sun, the birds are singing all around me, and palm trees are gently swaying in the wind. It is peaceful. Only my thoughts are capable of removing me from this reality and it’s ultimately my responsibility to reject them when they try.

As human beings, our minds are programmed to look for what’s wrong, and it can steal the joy from even the greatest moments in our lives. One of my favorite quotes I’ve ever read is, “Everything that’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right.” I wanted to take the time to write this post to remind everyone who reads it to take inventory of themselves and their lives in a truly objective way. You’re always going to have something you feel is lacking. You’re always going to want something to be different about yourself or your existence. Don’t focus on that. Although there may be some truth to these thoughts, they are often distorted in ways that make us feel negative emotions based on a bigger picture that we’re filling in the blanks of with completely imaginary misconceptions. Or worse, you bring yourself down by drawing comparisons to other people when there’s literally zero value in doing so. That means you’re often feeling like shit for real because of something that’s only a half-truth at best. Instead, focus your mind on everything that’s going right and then build on the psychological momentum it gives you. Celebrate your wins, soak them in fully, and tell any conflicting thoughts that try to pull you down from that high to fuck off. That’s how you can find happiness and sustain it. That’s when the external gratifications like working for that big check and then digging your toes in the sand on a beach in Maui become the special moments they’re meant to be.

I needed this reminder to snap myself out of a funky headspace that was making me feel dissatisfied with being in Hawaii. Can you imagine that? Go ahead and roll your eyes at me because I’m still rolling my eyes at myself. Not only is that dumb at face value, but I know better. This is all rooted in mental disciplines that I have studied and understood for a while now. It just goes to show you that the work is never done. You must constantly provide your mind and spirit with nourishing thoughts and not allow your uncontrolled mind to direct itself in unwanted and negative ways. Once thoughts like that establish themselves it is much more difficult to rid yourself of them – so make it a practice to be mindful of choosing the healthiest, most positive thoughts about yourself and your life every day. Life is too short not to find appreciation in every moment, and the extreme of where I just was earlier this week in my own head is a shining example of how much power the quality of your thoughts have over the quality of your life. Choosing what thoughts inhabit your mind on a daily basis is critical to your overall happiness – and your ability to take control of shaping your life to be what you truly want it to be.

Too many people think that the answer to a great life is to change their external circumstances – their finances, their appearance, their location, etc. All of those things can add value to your life, but they are extremely limited – and they won’t make a difference at all if you’re fundamentally unhappy. The foundation of a great life has to begin by looking inward. It is built on your internal conditions – your level of self-love, your appreciation for life itself, and the quality of the relationships you have with the people you love and who love you back. Everything else is just icing on the cake and although you can make a shitty cake look good with a colorful exterior and sprinkles, eventually the truth comes out when you take a bite and realize it belongs in the trash. A lot of the curated versions of other people’s lives we see on social media that we think are so great are really just shitty cakes decorated well in a display case. If you were able to taste them, you’d discover you don’t actually want them that bad after all. Everybody has problems, and if you fall into the comparison trap – you’re measuring yourself up against 1% of what’s actually going on in other people’s lives. You’re extrapolating from that very small sample size to make assumptions about the other 99% of that person’s life and then comparing it against the 100% of your own life that you have to live every day. You don’t know what shit they’re dealing with, but you know your own shit inside and out. Comparing your life with an incomplete picture of someone else’s is apples to oranges – and that’s a recipe for lifelong unhappiness – not making a great cake.

When faced with your imperfections and the parts of yourself and your life that you don’t like, be careful not to overvalue the negatives in relation to the positives. When we play that trick on ourselves, it causes us to prioritize the things that don’t really matter much at the expense of the things that matter most. A goal like “I need to make as much money as possible” can replace a much better goal like “I need to make as many joyful memories as possible with the people I love” real quick if you aren’t paying attention. You need to be intentional about hyping yourself up and appreciating everything you already have and all you’ve already accomplished because life is a marathon, and it is way too difficult to sustain yourself on the climb if you’re knocking yourself down inside your own head. Lean into what you’re doing right, what’s going right, and fucking celebrate yourself. Don’t let other people, circumstances, or unrealistic expectations detract from how special where you are right now actually is. Expectations and desires are often much different than the reality of meeting or achieving them and if you aren’t careful, they can ruin something truly great by messing with your perception of it. Be rooted in reality, always. Do the work to reprogram your brain to find the good in every situation or moment.

If you really feel like things aren’t good enough as they are right now, or you struggle to find what to be grateful for – I would keep it simple. I could have just as easily snapped myself out of my mental funk by thinking to myself, “I’m healthy and able to travel – so many people can’t say that and wish they could be here right now.” Or “My family and all of my good friends are alive and well today – so many people can’t say that and would give anything to trade places with me because I can.” There is literally ALWAYS something to focus on that you can be grateful for that can put whatever is attempting to eat away at your happiness into perspective. If you don’t learn this truth about life and how to master it, no amount of money or things will be able to stop you from feeling lousy about yourself and your place in the world. You will just be rich and sad, in the best-case scenario. That might sound better, but you’ll quickly find out that being able to do and have more shit loses its significance quickly and being truly happy every day of your life is the most meaningful goal you can ever pursue as a human being. People who try to convince you otherwise are empty inside and fighting bigger battles within themselves that you can’t see – and they’re losing.

Like everything I write, I hope this added value to your life if you took the time to read it. I am going to try to be more consistent with this project again and will continue to provide my unvarnished thoughts and opinions that have helped me get to where I am and that I am going to keep using to get to where I want to go. If you take away nothing else from this, remember to focus on what’s going right at all times. Life will continuously challenge you and give you reasons to question yourself and the path you’re on. There will be times when it becomes easy to entertain thoughts that serve no purpose other than to prevent you from reaching your full potential. You have power over whether or not you accept them. You have the ability to choose the thoughts that flourish in your mind, and they will either help you or hurt you. They will either make you or break you. Choose them wisely. Always look for the ones that build you up and give you courage. Cultivate the self-confidence to keep moving forward in the face of adversity. Don’t give up on yourself or your dreams just because you fall into a temporary moment of despair. Making it to the other side of those difficult times will give you strength. The narrative you create for yourself and about yourself inside your own head is much more important than most people realize. Try not to compare yourself to anybody – only who you were yesterday, last week, last month, and last year. Don’t worry about how far you must go or what still needs to be done but look at how far you’ve come already and all that you’ve overcame to get to this moment instead. Don’t try to see far into the future – focus solely on the step that is directly in front of you so that things don’t feel overwhelming and cripple your ability to act. Remember what you’re capable of doing and who you are. Remember that nothing is impossible, and that the only thing that can stop you, is you. It may sound cliché, but the further I progress on my own journey, the more I realize that these are not meaningless sayings to make us feel better about ourselves – they are the core beliefs and building blocks we need to build an extraordinary life. Focus on what’s right.