I’ve been so busy with work and travel lately that I’ve been making a lot of excuses for not dedicating time to write. In fact, as I write this, I’m currently sitting seaside on the island of Maui in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, listening to the sound of white-crested waves race across the open water and crash against the black volcanic rocks that litter the coastline. Being here is an incredible feeling. It’s one of those places I’ve always dreamt of visiting and I think most people have that dream. To actualize it and not only be here, but to be here for a full month, traversing multiple islands, and celebrating Thanksgiving Hawaiian style is amazing. Best of all, I’m here with my mom. Being able to share this bucket list trip with her after spending my childhood watching her work her ass off as a single parent to keep a roof over our heads is charged with so many positive emotions that truly outweigh everything else about the experience. But there’s another feeling I contended with the first few days on the island.

That other feeling, tucked way down in the back of my mind behind all the amazing feelings stemming from being in this moment where nearly half a decade of hard work has culminated in a real-life dream coming true is – “Is this it?” I’m not sure what the best way to articulate that feeling is, but I couldn’t help but hear whispers of that question echoing through the corridors of my mind. Is this it? Is this what I’ve been pushing myself so hard for? Is this all there is on the other side of sacrifice and patience? Is this everything I thought it would be? Am I really happy right now or are other areas of my life that need improvement more important? Are all of my troubles bigger than my triumphs?

Don’t get me wrong, when confronted between the choice of being my former broke and angry self and being me now with a level of meaningful success and the freedom to choose where I go and when, it’s not even close. I’d rather be thinking through this issue on a tropical island any day of the week than washing dishes, shoveling horse shit, or putting some drunk asshole into a headlock to pay the bills. But my expectation of how I was going to feel being here is way different than the reality. I thought there would be more clarity that came along with getting to this point. I thought I could at least hit the pause button on the stressful shit in my life and feel more at peace. The truth is, my life and my circumstances have changed dramatically, but I still feel the same. That truth carries over for when I change physical locations as well, no matter how wonderful or exotic those locations may be. Things that had bothered me in New York City followed me to Charlotte and they continue to bother me when I’m sitting in this tropical paradise. Maybe it was silly to believe that there’s a breakthrough point where certain troubles just vanish into thin air, but I think anyone who really goes 100% in on chasing success and a dream has just a little bit of hope in that possibility. It’s unrealistic.

I have so much to be proud of myself for and so much to celebrate in my life right now, but it’s as if my brain insists on clinging to the things that aren’t the way I’d like them to be. Without intentionally focusing on all the good – on all that’s going right in our lives – our minds will default into concentrating on where we feel dissatisfied or where we’re underperforming. The point of this blog post is to help you realize where this is happening in your own life, because if you trick yourself into believing that a big bank account or achieving whatever your idea of success is changes a lot about the inner strife you face as a human being, you’re going to be sorely disappointed even if you get it. I’m not going to lie – there was an element of shame involved when I realized how ridiculous it was to be feeling sorry for myself while on a trip of a lifetime. I’m not particularly proud of the fact that I allowed myself to feel bad while sitting in Hawaii, but I am proud of the fact that I caught myself and course corrected and that although it occurred, it was short lived. If nothing else, it’s a testament to how true happiness must come from within first and foremost. If you’re not happy where you are now, you won’t be truly happy on a tropical island. If you’re not happy by yourself, you won’t be truly happy with other people. If you aren’t happy with what you have, you won’t be truly happy once you get the things you want. The key isn’t to never slip into a bad mood or feel like shit – that’s just part of being human. The goal should be to reach a level of self-awareness that allows you to catch yourself and shift your way of thinking back into a positive and optimistic frame of mind as quickly as possible when you feel like that. Sometimes when you overlook all the blessings in your life and focus solely on the things you perceive to be undesirable, you just have to take a minute and ask yourself… Am I nuts?

This is a good time to remind you that if you live in the United States (or really any first world country) it is an undeniable fact that most other human beings on the planet would switch places with you in a heartbeat. As I write this and as you read this, there are millions upon millions of people like you and I who are facing famine, battling diseases and ailments that could be prevented or treated if they had access to the same resources we have, or they live in constant chaos while trying to keep themselves and their families alive in an active warzone. Billions of others lack reliable access to safe drinking water. I deal with a lot of pressure now that I’m leading a team of people, and I have to take full responsibility for everything that’s happening in our company – that’s my biggest source of stress and anxiety. How’s that stack up in the grand scheme of things? It’s really not shit. Whatever you’re going through right now, put it into context because perspective is everything. The fact that I was able to catch myself slipping into that negative mindset – focusing on all the bad and letting the days pass me by without enjoying the beauty of the moment – allowed me to center myself and lean back into the genuine appreciation for everything wonderful happening in my life despite any issues I’m currently working through. Yes, there are things I’m not thrilled about that I have to face and other things that I wish were going a different way in my life, but right now I’m enveloped in the warmth of the sun, the birds are singing all around me, and palm trees are gently swaying in the wind. It is peaceful. Only my thoughts are capable of removing me from this reality and it’s ultimately my responsibility to reject them when they try.

As human beings, our minds are programmed to look for what’s wrong, and it can steal the joy from even the greatest moments in our lives. One of my favorite quotes I’ve ever read is, “Everything that’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right.” I wanted to take the time to write this post to remind everyone who reads it to take inventory of themselves and their lives in a truly objective way. You’re always going to have something you feel is lacking. You’re always going to want something to be different about yourself or your existence. Don’t focus on that. Although there may be some truth to these thoughts, they are often distorted in ways that make us feel negative emotions based on a bigger picture that we’re filling in the blanks of with completely imaginary misconceptions. Or worse, you bring yourself down by drawing comparisons to other people when there’s literally zero value in doing so. That means you’re often feeling like shit for real because of something that’s only a half-truth at best. Instead, focus your mind on everything that’s going right and then build on the psychological momentum it gives you. Celebrate your wins, soak them in fully, and tell any conflicting thoughts that try to pull you down from that high to fuck off. That’s how you can find happiness and sustain it. That’s when the external gratifications like working for that big check and then digging your toes in the sand on a beach in Maui become the special moments they’re meant to be.

I needed this reminder to snap myself out of a funky headspace that was making me feel dissatisfied with being in Hawaii. Can you imagine that? Go ahead and roll your eyes at me because I’m still rolling my eyes at myself. Not only is that dumb at face value, but I know better. This is all rooted in mental disciplines that I have studied and understood for a while now. It just goes to show you that the work is never done. You must constantly provide your mind and spirit with nourishing thoughts and not allow your uncontrolled mind to direct itself in unwanted and negative ways. Once thoughts like that establish themselves it is much more difficult to rid yourself of them – so make it a practice to be mindful of choosing the healthiest, most positive thoughts about yourself and your life every day. Life is too short not to find appreciation in every moment, and the extreme of where I just was earlier this week in my own head is a shining example of how much power the quality of your thoughts have over the quality of your life. Choosing what thoughts inhabit your mind on a daily basis is critical to your overall happiness – and your ability to take control of shaping your life to be what you truly want it to be.

Too many people think that the answer to a great life is to change their external circumstances – their finances, their appearance, their location, etc. All of those things can add value to your life, but they are extremely limited – and they won’t make a difference at all if you’re fundamentally unhappy. The foundation of a great life has to begin by looking inward. It is built on your internal conditions – your level of self-love, your appreciation for life itself, and the quality of the relationships you have with the people you love and who love you back. Everything else is just icing on the cake and although you can make a shitty cake look good with a colorful exterior and sprinkles, eventually the truth comes out when you take a bite and realize it belongs in the trash. A lot of the curated versions of other people’s lives we see on social media that we think are so great are really just shitty cakes decorated well in a display case. If you were able to taste them, you’d discover you don’t actually want them that bad after all. Everybody has problems, and if you fall into the comparison trap – you’re measuring yourself up against 1% of what’s actually going on in other people’s lives. You’re extrapolating from that very small sample size to make assumptions about the other 99% of that person’s life and then comparing it against the 100% of your own life that you have to live every day. You don’t know what shit they’re dealing with, but you know your own shit inside and out. Comparing your life with an incomplete picture of someone else’s is apples to oranges – and that’s a recipe for lifelong unhappiness – not making a great cake.

When faced with your imperfections and the parts of yourself and your life that you don’t like, be careful not to overvalue the negatives in relation to the positives. When we play that trick on ourselves, it causes us to prioritize the things that don’t really matter much at the expense of the things that matter most. A goal like “I need to make as much money as possible” can replace a much better goal like “I need to make as many joyful memories as possible with the people I love” real quick if you aren’t paying attention. You need to be intentional about hyping yourself up and appreciating everything you already have and all you’ve already accomplished because life is a marathon, and it is way too difficult to sustain yourself on the climb if you’re knocking yourself down inside your own head. Lean into what you’re doing right, what’s going right, and fucking celebrate yourself. Don’t let other people, circumstances, or unrealistic expectations detract from how special where you are right now actually is. Expectations and desires are often much different than the reality of meeting or achieving them and if you aren’t careful, they can ruin something truly great by messing with your perception of it. Be rooted in reality, always. Do the work to reprogram your brain to find the good in every situation or moment.

If you really feel like things aren’t good enough as they are right now, or you struggle to find what to be grateful for – I would keep it simple. I could have just as easily snapped myself out of my mental funk by thinking to myself, “I’m healthy and able to travel – so many people can’t say that and wish they could be here right now.” Or “My family and all of my good friends are alive and well today – so many people can’t say that and would give anything to trade places with me because I can.” There is literally ALWAYS something to focus on that you can be grateful for that can put whatever is attempting to eat away at your happiness into perspective. If you don’t learn this truth about life and how to master it, no amount of money or things will be able to stop you from feeling lousy about yourself and your place in the world. You will just be rich and sad, in the best-case scenario. That might sound better, but you’ll quickly find out that being able to do and have more shit loses its significance quickly and being truly happy every day of your life is the most meaningful goal you can ever pursue as a human being. People who try to convince you otherwise are empty inside and fighting bigger battles within themselves that you can’t see – and they’re losing.

Like everything I write, I hope this added value to your life if you took the time to read it. I am going to try to be more consistent with this project again and will continue to provide my unvarnished thoughts and opinions that have helped me get to where I am and that I am going to keep using to get to where I want to go. If you take away nothing else from this, remember to focus on what’s going right at all times. Life will continuously challenge you and give you reasons to question yourself and the path you’re on. There will be times when it becomes easy to entertain thoughts that serve no purpose other than to prevent you from reaching your full potential. You have power over whether or not you accept them. You have the ability to choose the thoughts that flourish in your mind, and they will either help you or hurt you. They will either make you or break you. Choose them wisely. Always look for the ones that build you up and give you courage. Cultivate the self-confidence to keep moving forward in the face of adversity. Don’t give up on yourself or your dreams just because you fall into a temporary moment of despair. Making it to the other side of those difficult times will give you strength. The narrative you create for yourself and about yourself inside your own head is much more important than most people realize. Try not to compare yourself to anybody – only who you were yesterday, last week, last month, and last year. Don’t worry about how far you must go or what still needs to be done but look at how far you’ve come already and all that you’ve overcame to get to this moment instead. Don’t try to see far into the future – focus solely on the step that is directly in front of you so that things don’t feel overwhelming and cripple your ability to act. Remember what you’re capable of doing and who you are. Remember that nothing is impossible, and that the only thing that can stop you, is you. It may sound cliché, but the further I progress on my own journey, the more I realize that these are not meaningless sayings to make us feel better about ourselves – they are the core beliefs and building blocks we need to build an extraordinary life. Focus on what’s right.